“I hate autism. I effin’ hate it.”
I said these words to my sister as I watched my son play in the kiddie pool at Funtown Splashtown.
He’s seven years old and he was sequestered to the kiddie pool with all of the toddlers.
We tried to play in the Pirates Paradise. A play structure with squirt guns, slides, rope ladders, a pirate head that dumps 500 gallons of water every two minutes ….every kids dream. It really was Brian’s dream too. It would’ve been perfect….if he was the only kid playing on it.
He loved it. Loved it so much that he couldn’t wait in line or share it. I followed him through the structure as he flapped and laughed. I grabbed his hand when he started to shove. I had to pick him up as he kicked and screamed. I had to chase him down as he ran in the “no running” zone. I witnessed three adults try to hold him back from cutting in line after he had got away from me.
I could not handle it anymore. Maybe it was the fact that I had only got 8 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours…but I did not have the patience to continue to pick him up, have him kick, have people stare, have him yell. I couldn’t do it.
I carried him, while he screamed at the top of his lungs, and put him in the kiddie pool.
It took a little while but he stopped crying and he did enjoy himself in the pool. But that’s all we could do. He could not go to any attraction that required waiting in a line and taking turns.
Poor Corbin had to go play in the big-kid pool by himself. Then he went on some slides by himself. Having a sibling with a disability really makes one grow up fast. Later I was able to accompany him on a few rides as my sister was able to watch Brian in the kiddie pool.
I finally understood why some families will take their other kids on vacation without their ASD child. Horrible to say, right? And I really hate the thought of it, because I don’t want to alienate Brian. I just want to alienate his autism. I want to kick it in the ass and make it leave our lives.
Someone told me it gets better. Really? Because I took Brian there two years ago and he did better at that point then he did yesterday. Maybe it was a bad day. Maybe it was because we had been camping and his routine had been off. Who knows? All I know is that if he didn’t have autism, we wouldn’t have had those issues.
Yup, I hate autism. End of story.